Ever sat in a business meeting and thought, “Wait a minute… are we building a kitchen cabinet or launching a product?” If you’ve ever felt that way, you’re not alone. In fact, you’ve probably just uncovered a hidden truth about corporate jargon: boardrooms are secretly workshops, and management staff? Undercover carpenters!
From “hammering out ideas” to “nailing the pitch,” office language is weirdly carpentry-coded. Listen closely enough, and you might even wonder if your next team offsite might be at a furniture factory, complete with the clouds of sawdust and the noise of saws, drills and hammers.
Let’s take a trip through this fascinating boardroom–carpentry crossover and unbox it.
“We Need to Nail This Pitch.”
This one might make you wonder, is presenting our ideas on PowerPoint not enough? No it is not. We must nail it. Once this phrase is used in any meeting, you can almost hear the ‘gbam’ of maximum finality echoing through the silent boardroom.
“Guys, our bonuses depend on winning this project, 3rd Quarter earnings are low…bring out every tool you have!”
“Let’s Drill Down.”
This one sounds mildly threatening. Or are we the only ones who have been watching too many movies with interrogation scenes? On the corporate scene, it means we’re analysing the issue deeper, peeling back the layers to understand nitty-gritty details. But in carpentry, drilling down typically involves powerful tools, sparks that make you need safety goggles, and all sorts of discarded bits and pieces flying around the room.
The result? Very many round-robin sessions, dizzying analyses of excel sheets, several hundred bullet-points of ROI and measurement metrics, and the collective sigh of a tired team wondering when the coffee and sandwiches on the side table will be accessible.
The sigh turns into a groan when the team lead says, “It’s still a little rough, can we smooth out some details after the break? Good!” Because nothing says corporate efficiency like going deeper, then reviewing from the beginning just to make sure.
“We Need a Solid Framework.”
Ah yes. Let’s talk about structural integrity. What better way to admit we have no idea what we’re building yet quite like asking for a “solid framework.” Whether it’s a Route To Market strategy, a content campaign, or that ambitious five-year plan for expansion, everyone wants structure—just like a good, sturdy dining table. But when the brief is wide and non-specific and comes with a three-day deadline…there’s nothing solid about the situation.
But in true Naija fashion, we always find a way to make something solid out of thin air. I mean, didn’t Nollywood itself start as a one-camera, low-budget hustle project in 1992? So, no shaking, let’s build! (Hey, who wants to collab with us to make Living In Bondage: The Series?)
“Let’s Hammer Out the Details.”
Whether you’re talking legal agreements or comms campaigns, they start with a general outline where both client & consultant agree…then out comes the hammer of ‘actuals’.
By the time deadlines, percentages, costs and other grainy issues begin to come up, everyone soon starts realigning and readjusting and giving each other headaches.
That’s the “hammer out” phase—often loud, sometimes chaotic, and almost always accompanied by someone inevitably saying, “Let’s jump on another call to chisel out the issues”.
“We Need to Carve Out Time.”
Interesting how people become masters of woodcarving when it comes to squeezing meetings between meetings. The picture that comes to mind is the carving that was used in the classic Nollywood film, The Figurine.
No matter how tight the calendars, the project manager seems to always chisel out time for a meetup. “Can we do between 4.32pm and 5.28pm? Yea? Cool, I’ve added it to your calendars, see you in 13 minutes guys!”
And if you’ve ever been a victim, you wouldn’t be laughing right now…because “let’s carve out time” means someone is about to sacrifice lunch, sleep, or their precious weekend to make something work.
Final Thought: See What We Saw?
Business meetings may be soft and digital now, but office language still swings with the brute force of a woodworker’s tools. It somehow reflects the wear and tear on mind and body that comes with a busy carpenter’s schedule.
Whether we’re aligning strategy, balancing budgets or building out campaigns, it’s quite clear that our laptops are workshops for building our annual financial targets.
So, the next time you’re in a meeting and someone says, “Let’s take this from another angle and hammer out the details,” don’t be tempted to say Jesus! not again! (even though he was a carpenter). Just breathe deeply, reach for your (metaphorical) tool belt and start drilling down.
